Wildlife agents found a black bear passed out at the Baker Lake Resort in Washington… surround by 36 beer cans. 35 of those beer cans had the label of a local brewery: Rainier Beer.  The bear tried one can of Busch Light, but didn’t like it.

When it woke up, it looked for more beer. Agents tried to shoo it away, but the black bear kept returning. Finally, they trapped it and relocated, using honey, donuts and beer as bait.

Like that? Then

I remember I used to spin 360 degrees around on one foot and flash the piece sign with my right hand with Mario every time I got another star in Super Mario 64. I don’t really get any sense of accomplishment from playing video games anymore.

But if I could do this, it would be a totally different story:

“Time is running out. On March 13th, beloved masterpiece “The Lion King” will be placed back into the Disney Vault FOREVER. Simba, Nala, Scar, and all their friends will only be free to roam until March 13th. Think we’re joking…?” Watch more here.

We all know that there is no big-ass vault that Thumbelina guards every night. They hype up an old film that we all learned to love as children and at the pinnacle of fan fare, they mention that you can only purchase the remastered version for a limited time before it gets locked back into their vault, a.k.a. they don’t make it available so that price naturally rises because of supply and demand virtues. It’s a great marketing technique. Every magically re-released film makes them millions. And every classic gets re-released every 10 years.

A friend and I were cruising around town after our respective turkey dinners, and a message comes on the radio over the tune to ‘Deck the Halls’:

“Christmas is just around the corner, come in today! Don’t wait till the last minute to find the perfect gifts this season.”

Fuck you, it’s still Thanksgiving. Wait till midnight, or at least give me time to digest!

or half full?

I’d like to believe someone filled that glass before leaving it on the table. Or someone drank half of it, in which case the water went towards a good cause. And hey if the water’s been out there for a while and isn’t good anymore, you still have the glass. But who in the world would empty out half a glass of perfectly good water and leave it out?

Definitely half full.